S7E4 - Saving Sex for Later

When it comes to #sex and #abstinence, it is a no brainer that our perspective about it greatly depends on our worldview, beliefs, experiences & more.

The journey of abstinence till marriage may seem old-school but our research showed us that it is not as scarce as one may think.

Now, although the internet is replete with pros and cons of practising abstinence, we noticed that several issues, challenges, and talking points have often been met with silence.

For example, we know statistically that the average age at first marriage is rising dramatically across cultures. This means having a moral goal of abstinence till marriage today implies waiting longer to engage in sex than any group has in history, and in a culture that has mostly rejected delaying gratification.

There is also the challenge of ambiguity and subjectivity of abstinence since it can be difficult, due to individual perspectives, to agree on a common and clear description of which acts constitute having sex or abstinence.

But there are also gender-related challenges.

For instance, from a male perspective, understanding and enacting masculinity while maintaining strong commitments to sexual abstinence until marriage can be a difficult and lonely challenge to navigate.

From the female perspective, rhetorics of sexual purity can create mindsets of “sex as a bad thing”. While this might increase the will for abstinence, there is social proof that living many years with that mindset can be a tough psychological nut to crack after marriage.

On the other hand, the extremes of a “sexually-enlightened culture” do not do us any favours either. The lack of emotional intimacy, ignorance towards sexual boundaries and consent, porn addition etc., are just some of the scars that many may bear.

Abstinence till marriage is beyond a belief, practice, or journey. It can be a powerful identity, one whose consequences often gets unravelled after marriage.

Our childhood friends @titothewriter and @big_black_fella joined us to share their stories about their journey of abstinence. They spoke candidly and we listened patiently. We took a lot away from the conversation and we hope the same happens for you.
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